This aint Texas

FEB 28. Gloucester, MA. cold and windy, but i really enjoyed getting out on the road today.

can not wait until summer.

FWE

FWE: Finished With Engines. This is a legal nautical term used by the Captain of a ship to communicate with the Engine Room that the vessel has arrived, we are done maneuvering, and you can secure the engine.

Shortly after I wrote my last blog, TGFT, I had a bit of a panic attack. I had a lot of stuff going on in my personal life, still no job, and I just needed to take off. So, that's what I did. I graduated from Massachusetts Maritime Academy, before entering the USCG, with a degree in Marine Transportation and a license to drive ships. So I spent a lot of my college years cruising around on the high seas learning how to navigate, operate, yada yada, ships. The MMA ship was leaving for its Winter Cruise, and they needed an extra Mate, I was there the next day. (See Below)



It offered me a few things. A chance to make a few bucks, escape from some problems( in so, dealing with them), rest my knee, skip this vicious winter in the Caribe, and finally most importantly get a clear head and re prioritize. With the US economy fuzzy these days, job opportunities are not everywhere. For about 3-4 weeks of the voyage, I was planning on taking a year off from racing and shipping out to make some money. I was nursing a knee injury, and even threw out my back so i was pretty messed up, and just thought to myself maybe i need to just focus on reducing my debt for a year and come back to tri next year. it was a very weird feeling. i was a content with that idea.

if you know me, i hate content, or anything if "it works". i want amazing, i want excitement.

a month to the day from leaving the dock, i couldn't take it anymore. i needed to train. i thought about my friends going to races, and not having a character with a line in that chapter of the book. i was craving long sweaty days on a bike, and endorphin filled afternoons spent pounding away repeats at the track. i missed leaving the poolhouse, and feeling the air run through my lungs like they had never been there before. you know that feeling on the trainer during intervals, towards the end where you feel like you are going to black out, but you don't, and the first thing that comes to your mind is: you did it! or the horrible butterflies you get when the alarm sounds at 0430 on race day, and you get out of bed and every muscle feels tight and under prepared, but when the gun goes off they act as rubber bands fresh out of the bag. this is not a sport, or a competition, and definitely not a hobby. it is truly a lifestyle, and it is my lifestyle.

money is necessary, but i don't feel as though i should sell out to society's spineless demands and expectations, by shipping out, and in doing so sacrifice the one thing i love and have a passion for.

bottom line, im gonna make "it work", but its gonna be amazing.

i am FWE.